The Day I Couldn't Go Back

While everything in my life was becoming uncertain, I was still trying to work on my website and find a way to earn money online.

Every day, I searched for a job that would be suitable for me. I knew I needed to find a way to support myself.

Then my mother and my older sister called me. They told me that I needed to return to Thailand urgently.

But there was a problem. I could not simply leave India and go home.

I had unknowingly overstayed my visa because I had been waiting for the person I loved.

The visa process had also been handled incorrectly by a friend, which meant that I could not complete the normal process to leave the country.

At that time, I was staying in a hotel. I was not working because I was having problems with the weather and even with the yellow-colored water. My body was not doing well, and I was also having food allergies.

At the same time, I had hotel charges that had not been paid for twelve days.

I tried to find an agency that could help me solve my visa and return situation. Eventually, someone agreed to help.

My older sister transferred money to help pay the hotel. She also spoke with the agency about helping me return to Thailand.

The agency agreed on a price and asked the hotel owner to allow me to stay longer. The plan was for the hotel to wait for payment until the documents were completed and I could return to Thailand.

But then another problem happened. There was a problem with the money, so the document process could not continue. Everything was cancelled.

Meanwhile, the hotel charges continued to increase, and I felt like nobody was taking responsibility for what was happening.

I was under an enormous amount of stress.

I needed a job that could give me money quickly.

I argued with my boyfriend because he did not want me to return to my old job.

But I could not simply follow the plan that we had made together. The hotel kept pressuring me every day because I still owed around ₹12,000 in hotel charges. I was constantly afraid that I would be forced to leave.

I cried every day. I became sick and had a fever. I felt that my body and immune system were becoming weaker. Everything seemed to be happening at the same time.

There were problems with work. There were problems with money. There were problems connected to Thailand. And there were also problems in my relationship.

I honestly did not know how I was going to start my life again.

I wanted my boyfriend to help me financially, but I also knew that he had already helped me for a long time, not only for the last three months.

During the last three months, when I had stopped working, I had been using his money. He had supported me throughout that time, until eventually he also had to take on bank debt.

At the same time, his parents were in the hospital and he also had expenses and responsibilities within his family.

I knew I could not keep waiting for someone else to solve everything.

So I made a decision.

I decided to go back to work.

I worked because I needed to solve the immediate problem. I needed to pay the hotel and take care of myself.

I worked until I was able to pay the hotel within two days.

But deep inside, I always knew that this was not the life I wanted to continue forever.

I still wanted to find another way.

I wanted to continue building my website. I wanted to find online work. And I wanted to create an income from something that belonged to me.

Because I did not want to remain in a situation where I had to depend completely on someone else's help.

I still do not know exactly what my future will look like.

But at that moment, at least I knew one thing. If I could not go back, I had to find a way to keep moving forward.